The True Story of My Mommy Son Date Today

I wrote this post for my personal blog, but wanted to share the love with my #TeacherMom friends too. :) 

This week has been crazy busy. I've been working hard to keep up with my #TeacherMom blog and social media accounts, plus of course updating and adding to my store all in preparation for back to school. Brian has been out of town at a conference for his new business. So, Little Man has been pretty much on his own. He's good at that. He's an independent kiddo and mostly doesn't mind keeping himself entertained, but I wanted to try and be intentional about having some quality time together this morning so I had the brilliant idea of taking him on a date.

This was my Facebook post this afternoon.

Don't we look sweet & happy? Social media is really good at that. Here's what really happened:

Last night I was up until 3am because pregnancy insomnia + back to school. This makes about a week straight of crappy sleep. If one single person mentions to me that it's my body's way of preparing me for baby #2, I will not take responsibility for what happens next.

This morning, after zomby walking down the hall to Beckett's sweet morning songs and drudging back to my bed, we settled for a couple of episodes of Leap Frog before I convinced myself to get going. "Think Starbucks Thoughts..."

While I got ready, Doug lingered under my feet and Beckett opened every tube and container of lotion, toothpaste, body spray, mascara, etc. that he could find. I was exhausted before I even left my room. "Starbucks. Starbucks. Starbucks."

I convinced Beckett that he doesn't, in fact, need that entire brand new pack of bobby pins and we headed down the hall to his room and picked out his outfit. Oh my cuteness.

Except for the part where my kid hates clothes. Have you noticed that he's ALWAYS PANT-LESS? That's not just because we don't have any. It's because unless I bribe him with "we're going to school" or "we're going to see Eli," NO DICE. He also doesn't always want to wear a diaper, so... that fight happened too. All in all, it only took about 20 minutes, one very long tantrum, a couple swift ninja kicks to Charlie Grace, and one good swat across his hiney to get this cute situation on the toddler. And then shoes (that fit just a few weeks ago) wouldn't go on his feet. Gah!

Next it was time to take the dogs outside. By this point it's after 9:30 and they still haven't been out. In an attempt to expedite our morning, I hand Beckett a granola bar before we head out. Doesn't he look like we're  having a peaceful & relaxing morning?

As soon as the front door opens, I start MELTING. Guys. It's FOUR.THOUSAND.DEGREES outside. That's a legitimate estimate, I guarantee you. During this time, the kid makes several attempts to escape into the neighborhood and our dogs forget how to pee. They have no concept of "IT'S FLIPPING HOT. PEE NOW OR DON'T PEE."

By the time we get inside, I'm drenched with sweat and Beckett has melted chocolate all of her his hands, tie, and white shirt. Lovely. 

I'm not sure if the dogs ever peed.

Twenty minutes later I've cleaned chocolate off Beckett (twice), packed our bag, and loaded us into the van. As soon as we're in, Beckett (per his usual) starts parroting "Elma? Elma? Elma?"

"No buddy, we only watch Elmo when we're in the car for a veeerry long time. We'll be there soon."

"Elma? Elma? Elma? Elma? Elma? Elma? Elma?" Gah. "Think Starbucks Thoughts"

Seven thousand "Elma's?" later, we arrive at Starbucks. The parking lot is packed and we have to park in the far corners of the universe. I'm pretty sure the temp went up a billion degrees (remember I'm incredibly large right now) and my dear sweet toddler refuses to hold my hand in the parking lot, requiring that I pick him up and lug all 35 pounds of him to the doors. More sweat. By the time I walk into Starbucks, my shirt is falling down, my face has LITERAL drops of sweat running down my cheeks and my kid is all, "this is fun!" 

It's SO. HOT so I opt for my usual: no water chai, extra hot please. And a water on the rocks for the kid. I'm full of great ideas this morning. 

The place is 100% packed (don't people WORK?!) so I sit in the one lowly chair for .6 seconds and head back out. The upside to this experience so far: lots of comment on how cute my kid is. 

 

We get to the end of the sidewalk, ready to embark on our trek back to the far corner of the universe, and Beckett remembers how much fun it is to run through a parking lot. "Don't worry about that GINORMOUS SUV headed our way, Mom." Groan. After failing to convince him that he needs to hold my hand, I attempt to drag him, one handed (the other one desperately trying not to drop my precious extra hot chai) away from the middle of the parking lot. 

"No thanks, Mom. I think I'll SIT. RIGHT HERE. IN THE PARKING LOT. SUV WAITING." You've got to be kidding me. Luckily for me, the mom in the SUV was super encouraging. She rolled down her window to let me know she had two of her own personalities sitting directly behind her. She, however, was not dumb enough to let them out of their restraints. As she headed for the drive through, I took notes. 

We made it to the van alive. I think my clothes were drenched through and my makeup was gone, but we're still alive so WHATEVER.

Except Beckett is not interested in his car seat. Cue tantrum. And do all toddlers know this "stiff as a board" game? WHY DO THEY DO THAT?! We go full on WWE in the back of the van and I lose. HOW IS HE SO SQUIRMY?

"You wanna watch Elmo?" There. That worked. #RockstarParenting

We pull into the parking lot and whatdya know: Brittany is on her way out. "YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE BRIBED THIS KID WITH ELI?!" Comical. We say our hellos and head into the library.  

This is the most relaxing part of my entire journey. The walk into the library. I've got my coffee and the kid knows where he's going. We arrive in the children's section and I find my favorite comfy couch chair and Beckett immediately heads to his favorite table. 

And then the other mommy happens. She's all cutied up with her haaaair and her faaace and everything that comes out of her mouth sounds like a bird. "Oooh, Ella... you wanna look at that book? Ooooh.. Ella, you wanna sit on that block? Ooooh Ella, you wanna play with a puppet?" 

YOU MEAN WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ENTERTAIN THEM HERE TOO? Sorry, kid. Momma's recuperating.

So we chilled there for a while. Read a couple books, made a new friend, enjoyed the sitting and the air conditioning and the quiet. 

Then it was time to go. Or so I thought. Enter toddler marathon.

Now I want you to just visualize a 470 pound, 83 weeks pregnant woman, chasing this toddler through a quiet library. Pitifully attempting to coax him out without disturbing the peace. We were the center of attention. It may have been because he's so stinkin' cute, but it was much more likely that the ENTIRE LIBRARY was entertained by the waddling mom desperately trying to chase this beast.

Eventually we come to a reasonable compromise: I'll carry you if you promise to kick and scream the entire trek out of the library. Deal? Deal. 

By the time we make it to the van, I'm having contractions. I'm so glad we did this.

Don't worry though. We made it home. And now he's sleeping peacefully in his bed. I've had my second and third cups of coffee and writing this has been therapeutic. :) So! Time to get back to work. T minus 2 hours until the circus is back in full swing.